Coping
by Emerald Embers
Summary: Written after 'Powerless'; Nathan/Peter, watching from the bedside chair.


Peter watched Nathan from the bedside chair, nearly startled that the world seemed still for once but too busy worrying for his brother to entirely notice. How many times had he wanted to be special? How many times had he hoped and wished and prayed there would be more to his life than nursing? And now he was stuck here, special in every way except the ones that actually mattered, able to heal himself but not Nathan and all he wanted was to go back because at least then he was worrying about people he didn't live for.

Just one day to themselves would have been enough. Now that the secrets weren't secrets, now that he knew who he was - it would have been enough. Just to be with Nathan, be in love with his older brother _who could fly_ and not be scared of his own powers or other people. He'd spent so long trying to stop trusting Nathan that he'd forgotten when he could, and as soon as he'd got the ability back he'd goddamned lost him - it wasn't fair, it _fucking_ wasn't fair.

Every time Nathan's eyelashes fluttered he twitched in turn, begging God to let his brother wake up even though he'd probably pissed any deities off for good the first time he'd jacked off to the thought of sucking Nathan's cock. Wouldn't matter that he'd sobbed into his pillow afterwards until he was nearly sick out of guilt and the sheer fucking fear of being so messed up, incest was incest and even animals mostly avoided it. Wrong, twisted, broken, sick, but it was there whether he wanted it to be or not and it wasn't going away.

Mom had known even before he did, had tersely remarked once in private that "little brothers don't look at big brothers that way", though it was the only time she ever did bring it up outside a veiled comment or response. He could never meet her eyes entirely when she talked about it unless she brought up the idea they should actively stay apart, and he had no clue as to whether she'd ever said anything to Nathan.

He'd never given Nathan enough thanks for dealing with it, had been too busy sulking about the girls Nathan was sleeping with to pay attention to the fact that he wanted to have sex with his brother and his brother was _coping with that_. Not every big brother in the world would deal with their little brother feeling them up with a gentle shove and "no".

.

That day he could have relived forever quite happily. Stuck in the car until the engine warmed up enough to drive, vaguely talking about something on the radio, snow falling outside in heavy drifts, and something in him had just blanked out the world as he leant over and kissed Nathan. Maybe he'd meant it to be chaste but that hadn't happened, his lips nudging Nathan's open and lingering, his tongue making the shortest of journeys as it tasted Nathan's before he'd panicked and pulled back, aware of what he'd done. And where any normal big brother would have floored him, run off or cussed him out, Nathan had just pursed his lips for a second before reopening his eyes and asking, "What was that, Pete?"

He hadn't answered, couldn't, just leant in slightly and found Nathan's hands on his chest holding him back. "No," Nathan had said, but without anger or disgust, just... advice. It was a suggestion, a good idea he should try to follow.

.

Years of trying to follow later and Peter still caught himself wanting more when Nathan gave him a quick peck on the cheek, still had dreams where his throat opened easily to swallow Nathan's cock while he stroked himself off. Something was wrong with him that would not fix and here he was, still loving his brother, still _in love_ with his brother and some anonymous bastard had tried to tear them apart again.

Claire's blood had to work. His own hadn't - probably just adapted to Nathan's body, become part of it, forgotten everything but how to fly.

They'd fly together again. As soon as Nathan was healed - drop this crusade long enough to do something of their own because why do so much work for your family if doing that work meant losing them?

Peter got up and busied himself with checking Nathan's IV for the hundredth time, wondered how with all his powers he'd been left reliant on someone else's, and how he'd come back to being a nurse.

But not for dying people. God, he hoped not for dying people.

.

Six hours and a transfusion from Claire later, Nathan's eyes finally followed up on a flutter by opening and Peter wanted every last person in the room out whether they'd helped or not, wanted to ply Nathan with questions until his lungs ached, but he had to be patient, had to sit out the inane banter until it was just them.

God, Nathan's frown was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen in his whole life, even half-assed and faintly dopey from painkillers. "Did you catch him?"

"No. Still looking." And that was a lie, given the second he'd heard 'in critical condition' he hadn't left Nathan's side. Other people were looking. It was probably better for whoever had done this that way.

Nathan seemed to know as much, fingers stretching out to tilt Peter's chin up, thumb tracing his cheek. "You waiting for me?"

Always. "Just checking if I was rid of you for good," Peter replied, glad he had no appetite because swallowing food past the lump in his throat would've been a nightmare.

"No such luck, I guess. Come here," Nathan suggested, dropping his hand to Peter's shoulder and tugging until Peter obeyed, leaning in close. Peter did the decent thing despite the twist in his stomach, a quick peck on the lips before pulling back and finding himself caught in place by his brother's hand.

"Nathan -"

"I just got shot and it's been five years. Give yourself a break."

Peter froze for a moment, not sure if it was guilt or something else making him hesitate, had to ask. "If you think you're doing me a favour -"

"I think I know by now why I let you kiss me," Nathan interrupted, eyelashes seeming miles long from this close, breath smelling strange from the lack of having eaten anything in days. "It's not healthy and it can't go anywhere," and yeah, Peter was going to have to get mouthwash because the strange smell was definitely a little bit gross and he really, really couldn't handle thinking about what Nathan was saying right now. "But given the circumstances I think we're allowed to slip up for once."

Peter thought about asking Nathan to shut up, but from this close up each time his brother breathed out it tickled his hair, and he couldn't help thinking that there were other uses for lips.

.

The End


End file.
